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A chemist and his friend walk into a bar.

The chemist says "I'd like a glass of H2O." So the bartender gave him water. His friend said "I'd like a glass of H2O, too." So the bartender also gave him water, because he knew what he meant and had no conceivable reason to be carrying hydrogen peroxide, much less to be giving it as a drink.
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Bar

So a jew, a homosexual and a black man walk into a bar
The bartender says:

GET THE FUCK OUT
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What do you call a black guy selling drugs?

A pharmacist
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What did the fat kid get for christmas? 
Presents.

What did the ginger kid get for christmas?
Cancer
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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
We're lawyers
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Why did Sally fall off the swing? 
Cause she has no arms.

 *knock knock*
"Who's there?"
 "Not Sally."
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What do call people who have met the first king of England?

Dead
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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar.

They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.