Anti jokes

What do call people who have met the first king of England?

Dead

What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back?


A school bus after a horrible traffic accident.

Why did the little boy drop his lollipop? He got hit by a car.

What did the little boy with cancer say right before he died?

Nothing. He was very sick, and could not speak during the last few weeks of his life.

So this guy walks into a bar. He ends up getting really drunk and taking home a highly promiscuous woman. They both die from AIDS.

An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk.
The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

What is the difference between the suicide man and the virgin?

The suicide man wants to die, the virgin wants to have sex.

A woman sits down at a bar and listens to a news reporter say "a murderer that killed his entire family is on the run". A man then approached her and said "Yeah, stuff like that really makes me want to spend time with my family". The woman asked "Yeah, where is your family?" The man said "They're dead".

Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

Because he was hit by a bus.

A man walks up to a bar, says to the bartender "Hey, can I get a drink?" The bartender hands him one.

Then he asks for another.

And another.
And another.

Then the dude's driving home pretty slammed, and he's mumbling some weird words and stuff, and then he crashes into a tree on the way to his house and is killed on impact.

Have you heard about the man slowly dying due to AIDS?

What's sad about two women driving off a cliff?

One of them was my mother.

A shipwrecked sailor washed ashore on a desert island. He found a bottle half buried in the sand he pulled the cork. Nothing happened. It was empty and he slowly starved to death.

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Theres this kid who had straight A's his entire life and is friends with everyone in the school. So he goes home and dies of cancer the next day.

Why was the fireman buried on top of the hill?

Because he was dead.

Where do ice cream sellers go when they die?

In a coffin which is then buried in the ground, or possibly cremated.

A man went to the pub, drunk 16 handles of beer and then went home and brutally murdered his wife and raped his daughter. Drunken violence is a serious issue.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the truck it was being carried in crashed, smashing the driver's brain and scarring his family for life, who were watching from their house.

A man dies.

He is later buried and his family and friends are deeply saddened, especially his only son who later kills himself saddening the family even more.